Der Nerdery

I spent a week making this.

Have you played Fallout 3? I was hesitant to play this game. I was afraid it was going to be another over-brown shootin’ game. But then came the customizations. Oh the customizations! And then the abundance of missions to do.

In this illustration, I used the character I played as (Asgard) and the outfit I used most of the game (until I got the Enclave armor).  This particular gun, the Rock-It Launcher, allows for junk to be loaded and propelled.  I chose books as my ammunition, as it would be teaching the kids something.

If you get a chance to play this, do so. If you played through it once, play though it again but choose the opposite path you did from last time.

Oh, and visit my Deviantart for other nerdy things.

Do you like shootin’ games? Do you like hording games? Do you like DLC as well?

Then you will like Borderlands. Let me explain why, before I actually discuss the game mechanics.

1) The game has been out for over a year now. I have been playing it since then.  The age of the game means it will be in the discounted sections at your local vidya game store.  I scored my copy and the subsequent dlc’s for $60, which is about what it would have bought to score it new or to to buy the Game of the Year edition equally new. Either way, you get what you want for a nice penny.

2) Multiplayer. You can play with your kill stealing, loot mongling, do-my-own-thing friends (well, three of them anyway) in a very nice world where 12 yr olds won’t belittle you about being a noob and won’t be confused when you start talking about blast processing. I digress. Playing with close friends. Good.

3) The nerd references. Yes, this game is littered with them. Because there are almost a million “unique” weapons in the game, the designers went a little wacky. Ghostbusters, Robocop, even TF2. To be honest, the game is even a parody of Fallout, but with Diablo mechanics. There’s even hidden messages in binary, and a nice bragging right to find the hidden fish on every board.

Now, some back story. Borderlands was looking like another me-too post apocalyptic shooter until they drastically overhauled the game to look more concept-art in appearance. Unfortunately, the story was sacrificed for with this endeavor ( the game was 90% done when they decided to redo it) and the lead artist left (you can see her pictures in the game as a missing person). The DLC covers up the lack of main game story tremendously.

What was that about a million guns? Oh yeah. There are a lot of guns. Before you have a joygasm, you should know: the guns aren’t really aesthetically different from others of the same. Shotguns look like other shotguns of the same brands, minus a few or add a few things. But their individual stats are very different.  Is this some sort of cheap marketing ploy? Maybe. You’ll find yourself rationalizing why to get rid of a pistol that does 200 damage and another that does 200 but has a scope. Plus, nerd references abound with their names.

I’m getting windy, so let me go through the DLCs:

Dr. Ned’s Zombie Island – zombies, zombies, shotguns. Repeat.  Worth it, but the story is pretty transparent.
Moxxie’s Underdome Riot- it’s a shameful introduction of a character for another DLC, and a bank…and an arena. Worth it for the bank.
General Knoxx’s Secret Armory: This is the bread and butter of the DLCs. Enjoy driving, cuz there’s a lot of it.
Clap-Trap (sic)’s Robot Revolution: This beats General Knoxx with his own dismembered arm. But it was shooooorrt.

Also, Gearbox has said twice now that they are done making DLCs and updates for the game. Then again, they lied the first time they told us this.

Still not satisfied? The game is easy to modify. Yes. You can modify your equipment to have an infinite shield or Deux Ex Machina of a weapon. Do I condone this? No. But I’ve seen some people make some insane mods. So whatevs.

How many donkeys does this show get? There could have been a better main story, there could be better enemy AI, and there could have been more missions in some of the DLCs…but I give it Three and a calf/Five Guatemalan Pack Mules. So I guess that means you should try it.

Parody is Protected

I have been neglecting this site.  It is a sad state of affairs.

However, I will start pony promenading my artwork on to this place, as it is highly nerd related. This was also discussed by one of the admins. A discussion I wrote off because either I wasn’t really serious or I wasn’t really serious. I am serious now.

Artwork. Here.

Last weekend, I was bored. Bored of Halo: Reach, bored of Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. I was even bored of the internet. I started browsing instant watch movies on Netflix, when I saw a jewel long lost from my childhood:

Toxic Crusaders: The Movie.

Well, actually, no. Ignore what the picture shows. And it’s not really a movie. Toxic Crusaders was a cartoon released in the mid-90s. It is a spinoff of a cult “classic” series called Toxic Avenger. If you have never heard of these films, you make me dissapoint. Actually, I am jealous of you. The studio that made Toxic Avenger, Troma Inc.,  is the king of dog shit movies. Yes yes, I am glad there is at least one guerrilla movie studio who doesn’t follow the traditions or regulations of the film industry. Believe me: it shows. Excessive violence, nudity, and enough cheese to drown Wisconsin. I really have no problem with Toxic Avenger or its many…interesting…. sequels. It’s supposed to be corny. However, every Troma film seems to want to live up to Toxic Avenger, making most (if not all) their movies in the category of most 2d fighters that came after Street Fighter, commonly known as Me-Toos.

So I digressed. Toxic Crusaders is a PG spin-off of said movie series. How much of a spin-off? Well, like Me-Toos, Toxic Crusaders tried to capitalize on the kick of other series of 1991 concerning the environment and super mutants. Maybe you heard of the other shows like Captain Planet and Zen: Intergalactic Ninja? Or maybe their biggest inspiration: Teenage Mutant Something Somethings.  Actaully Zen: Interg’l Ninja was a video game and a comic book. Maybe MC Kids on the Sega Genesis? No? Was I the only one?!

Anyway, this uber nerd named Melvin Junko who gets dipped in toxic waste and becomes Toxie: a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength. He then confronts this alien pollutant villain named Dr. Killemoff. Along the way, Toxie enlists of other hideously deformed creatures of superhuman size and strength Major Disaster, Nozone, Junkyard, and Headbanger. The show had 13 episodes, three or so of which have been pasted together as a movie on Netflix, and never really found a spot on Fox or syndication.

This is where the nerding happens. I remember this cartoon. To be honest, this cartoon affected a lot of my character design then and even now. Yes, it’s a dumbed down version of a terrible movie BUT the designs were amazing for a prepubescent kid like me. Even better: Playmates, the designers for those Adolescent Abomination Anthropomorphic Amphibians (I was afraid I wasn’t going to keep that one rolling) made the toys. I even recall wanting these toys, as a sort of poor-man’s Turtles action figures.

As I watched the “movie,” I realized just how marketed this cartoon was to the toys. Seeing vehicles, I thought: yep, those became toys. I saw the disposable henchmen and thought yep, those are action figures. If you really go back and watch any cartoons of this formula (most super hero action cartoons, honestly) you will see what they wanted as toys and what they were pushing was revenue from toys, along with cereals and other merchandise. Hell’s Bells: they even had video games from Bandai (makers of notoriously games of obscure and random franchises) and  the Me-Too Sega Genesis.

I actually rented this game from a Hastings. It was… well… I have played better. A lot better. It wasn’t quite TMNT: The Arcade game, nor was it Final Fight or Streets of Rage or even Treasure Troll’s Treasure Island or Pretty Princess Dress-Me-Up. Jerky controls, terrible hit detection, no bump mapping or browning or bloom. Dog. Shit. Tacos. The music was actually okay from what I remember the music was dog shit tacos as well I am torn on this subject after going to Youtube.

Collectively, this series tried really hard to be a poor man’s TMNT. Mutants, dumb villains, and merchandise. Watching it now, I was able to see the undertones and what they were peddling. As an animator… I was butthurt. I could see where they took shortcuts, and where they made embarrassing animation boo-boos (wrong characters doing dialogue). I feel like they had a very finite budget and they couldn’t waste too much time on the inbetweens to make it quality. Some of the writing was chuckle-worthy, but most are definitive Derp jokes (jokes you can see coming from space, see: any Rob Schneider movie). One character, Psycho, pretty much gives you a rundown on what is going to happen at the episode’s climax. I thought that was clever. Oh, and get used to hearing “hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength.” They try to say it at least twice an episode, if not more.

So my childhood may have been mislead, but if you want some nostalgia from a cartoon that just couldn’t make it or if you can’t find your Ninja Turtle collection, I would recommend this series…sort of.

Two donkeys of five.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: The Game

OH  LOOK. MORE SCOTT PILGRIM NONSENSE.
Screw you pal. Actually, it’s vidya game review time. $10 on either your PS3 or your XBL will get you this hum dinger of a game.

Now…why is it special? If you read the comic, you will nerdgasm. That is a given. But are you a River City Ransom/Double Dragon/Final Fight/ TMNT Turtles in Time or Arcade Game fan? Then you will double nerdgasm. Beat people up, collect money, buy stat builders. Repeat. True to the comics, there are references to other video games everywhere in this game.  Evenmoreso, Edgar Wright even shows up in the Hollywood stage to remind you that there’s a movie of the same name.

Nitty gritty: the controls are haphazard, especially the dash. It’s set on a hair trigger, and if you toggle it, you may as well write a novel before you actually hit forward twice (It’s not responsive this way).  Also, the difficulty is exactly like Ye Olde Flog-Them-Propers: cheap. The enemies will corner you, they will spam you with projectiles, and they will be cheap mother lovers. Also, no online play? I’m not butthurt about this option because back in my day (when wearing an onion on your hip was the style) online gaming was reserved for Doom, not arcade games.

The animation is wonderful (Paul Robertson, Google him your damn self), the music (Anamanaguchi, a chiptunes punk band) is authentic, and the multiplayer? Perfect. Also, there are references to Bryan Lee O’Malley’s solo band Kupek, who I also recommend you looking up but be warned: some of his music is sappy boo-hoo.

Why are you still reading this? Go buy this game if you liked what I just babbled about.  Here’s some more nerd reference for you:

Like I said, nerdgasms. 4.6 of 5 healthy Guatemalan Burros.

Here is a guy who’s made some corrections in a process called Kitbashing. Basically, they take existing toys and recolor them/modify them to be more close to their cartoon counterparts.

This is a nice waste of your time. I was always annoyed about cartoons not being close to the toys, especially Slash in TMNT looking totally different in the cartoon and vastly superior as a toy, and vice versa in other cases.  This guy, however, rectifies these inconsistencies and does a damn good job at it.

This was not intended to denounce Bawls Energy Drinks.